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Uncanny X-Men#522 REVIEW (Kitty Pryde FINALLY RETURNS!!!)

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS SO READ AHEAD WITH CAUTION IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THIS ISSUE YET!

Uncanny X-Men#522

Written by: Matt Fraction

Art by: Whilce Portacio

Inks by: Ed Tadeo

Colors by: Justin Ponsor

Price: $3.99

Publisher: Marvel Comics

When I first heard that Kitty Pryde was coming back I was absolutely stoked. I could hardly wait! Kitty Pryde is my all time favorite female comic book character and when I read the story where she was shot into space I cried like a little baby, so you can imagine what hearing the news that she was coming back felt like for me. I was excited. I spent the rest of that day digging up news articles about it, interviews, etc. I came across an interview with Matt Fraction saying that Joss Whedon (the man who wrote the story that sent Ms. Pryde into space, which you ALL should go read) approved and liked the story of return and that made me even more excited and gave me hope because for the most part I haven't been enjoying Fraction's X-Men stories.

Now I haven't been reading Uncanny for a while so I didn't exactly know what was going on but thankfully Fraction gives the readers who haven't been reading Uncanny recently enough information about recent events so the readers, like me who are going to pick up this issue solely because Kitty is coming back, to enjoy it. The book is basically just the X-Men gathering based on the news that Kitty is coming back to earth and Cyclops and so scientists working on how to get her back safely and not destroying the earth. What this story illustrates well is how much the X-Men care about Kitty and how badly they want her back. Portacio does a nice job illustrating the facial expressions of, for example, that scene towards the end where the X-Men have gathered while they wait for the space bullet which contains Kitty to come down to earth. Fraction does a great job on writing the thoughts of Kitty and clearly explores how she is feeling.

The basic concept of how Kitty is able to come home is Magneto was able to do something that allowed him to reach far into space and reverse the path of the bullet back to earth, which I thought was kind of cool, but like I said I haven't been reading Uncanny for awhile so I had no clue as to how this story was going to start or what exactly was going to happen. One of my complaints about this story is I wish they would've thought of something a bit more interesting and exciting on how to bring her back and I thought that they would've drawn out the story a bit longer. Although I am glad that they condensed the story and didn't pull a Captain America: Reborn on you.

Here is my favorite part of this issue. When Kitty returns she and Colossus run up to each other, but Kitty phases right through him, revealing that something is wrong with Kitty and it needs to be fixed. I thought this was great because usually when lazy writers write return stories they bring the hero back and every thing's great and nothing is wrong with the returned character and everybody celebrates and it's just not any good. This part of the book took me by surprise because I expected her to jump right back into her X-men position, give everyone hugs, etc. because I'm so accustomed to that in comic books nowadays. The ending was sad yet happy and leads me to wonder what's going to happen next to Kitty Pryde. Very well played Mr. Fraction.

Rating: B

Nemesis#1 REVIEW (Not intended for the Mark Millar fans)

Nemesis#1

Written by: a room full of monkeys Mark Millar

Art by: Steve McNiven

Colors by: Dave McCaig

Publisher: Icon/Marvel Comics

Price: $2.99 and a bit of your soul

Mark Millar's new book is finally here! After reading Old Man Logan and Kick-Ass Millar left me feeling insulted as a comic book fan. I decided that Nemesis would be his last chance to restore any hope I had left in him. But enough of that for now. The main concept of this book is what if Batman were like the Joker. So it's neither an original concept nor a hard to write concept and it shows throughout the book. I can sum this book up in one word: Cliche.

I would like to point out that there is a character in Uncanny X-Men named Nemesis who wears an all-white costume. Interesting, huh? The book starts out in Tokyo were Nemesis is talking to a hostage who is tied to a chair. Nemesis reveals that the he lured the (police? FBI? S.W.A.T.? We don't know... Millar never explains who they were) to the wrong building. That building blows up and lands on a train track, killing God knows how many people. Then you find out that the chair that the hostage is tied to is on a train track. Then a train runs over the hostage and we are treated to blood splattering everywhere, a leg flying off, a head being squashed, and other crap like that. Then the train mentioned earlier flys off the rails because the track got destroyed killing, again, God knows how many. Nemesis reveals his next target: Washington D.C.

Seen enough violence yet? Oh well maybe the book will tone down a bit and... what's this? Oh a guy just shot in the head with blood flying everywhere? Another guy gets shot in the stomach with a wave of blood spilling out? Two more guys get shot in the neck? One more guy gets shot in the neck/upper body? All in one page? Yeah, all of that did happen in a single page. It turns out that some form of authority (we don't know what organization it is because Millar is too lazy to tell us) shot the thugs. Then they talk to the chief of whatever organization they're from for a few pages and all that really tells us is that they should prepare for Nemesis since they got a warning from Nemesis himself.

Next we see Nemesis landing on an airplane and, somehow, walking across the wings of the plane without the wind blowing him off the plane. I realize that this is a comic book and they're not supposed to be realistic, but if you're going to write something like that please explain how he is able to remain perfectly balanced on the plane. Then he shoots the pilots (more death! Yay!) and hijacks the plane. Then Nemesis side-swipes a building with one of the plane's wings killing more people (alright! Give me some more Millar!). He then purposely crash lands the plane killing thousands and thousands of people (enjoying yourselves fanboys?)

Here is the kick in the nads for me in this book. The crash landing scene is a rip-off of the scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Indy and his Dad are in the car and that airplane is coming right after them, and then the car goes into a tunnel and the airplane goes in the tunnel with them, but loses its two wings and explodes at the end of the tunnel. Well guess what? That happens in this book. The plane goes into the tunnel and loses its two wings and lands into a truck full of petrol (and into a mother and her innocent kid) and explodes. Also the book never shows Nemesis or the President leaving the plane, so apparently they're indestructible. I love the fact that the authority of Washington knows for a fact that this mass murderer is coming to their city but it seems like they've done NOTHING to protect the citizens. Shouldn't the state be in a lock down or something??? This whole book has lazy writing written all over it. The "cliffhanger" is that Nemesis kidnaps the President of the U.S. It's not like I saw that one coming...

The art is exactly (sort of) what I expected from McNiven: boring, stale, and stiff. Although this time he inked it instead of having someone else ink it. I know I'm not the only one who has said this, but it seemed like he was trying really, really hard to be Leinil Francis Yu. At certain parts of the book it didn't even look like McNiven drew the art. The art truly was boring and just not exciting at all.

This book consisted of 23 pages of story/art, 3 of which were splash-pages, and 13 of which were 3 or 4 panel pages with little to no dialogue in it. To me that just reeks of laziness. Also at the end of the book you get 5 pages of ads featuring the recent stories Mark Millar has written for Marvel. Hey Millar: How about advertising for stuff done by someone other than yourself, huh?

After reading Nemesis#1 and Ultimate Avengers#5 (which I read a while ago) I have come to the conclusion that the Mark Millar that I used to admire as an aspiring comic book writer is gone. He's gone. If you all want to read an awesome Millar story read Superman: Red Son. That story is utterly incredible. So will I keep buying the series? Yeah, just so I can review/rant on them! :)

At least no one's baby got thrown out of a window (that we know of).

Rating: D

Deadpool#19 REVIEW (It's about time this came out)

Deadpool#19

Written by: Daniel Way

Art by: Carlo Barberi

Inks by: Juan Vlasco and Sandu Florea

Price: $2.99

Publisher: Marvel Comics

So here we finally have the 19th issue of Deadpool! Was it worth the two month wait? Hey, why aren't you reviewing the new Loeb Hulk book, dood? I personally like to not be offended when I read comics. Me too. Have you no good taste in comics? Wait... why are you guys ALWAYS here when I try to do a Deadpool review? It's in da contract, man. What? He's actually telling the truth for once. Fine, whatever. Why so frustrated bro? Don't you remember how much fun we had in our review of Deadpool#17? Unfortunately. Let's just get on with the review... people have probably already stopped reading this because I'm talking to myself. Hey! We never did that review of Amazing Spider-Man#611 you promised we'd do!

Just like every issue of Deadpool before this one it is packed with a lot of fun and humor, which makes this a good book to read if you're stressed or depressed. Dood... you just rhymed... So in this issue Deadpool seeks Spider-Man and I love the part when Deadpool says, "Spidey! What up, baby boy? Haven't seen you since Amazing Spider-Man#611!" We were supposed to review that book... *sniff*. I'm sorry if I'm busy and don't have a lot of free time to review stuff on the blog... anyway Deadpool also eats a lot of hot dogs and burps and farts throughout his first incounter with Spider-Man in this book which is also pretty hilarious. Didja see the New Ultimates ad in dis book??? Can't wait!!! XDXDXDXDXDXDXD!!! What is the matter with you? We shoulda left him at the Grand Canyon. I agree. Anyway the whole dynamic of this book is great. It is very light-hearted and silly and is a great way of cheering up. Although I did miss Paco Medina's art Barberi did a nice job with the art chores. Ah screw dem! Get Liefeld on the book!!! No. No way. Although the Hit Monkey character is a bit stupid and silly I'm interested in seeing where they take his character in the upcoming issues. I am a bit worried about the quality of this book suffering a bit from the over-exposure of Deadpool. Seeing him everywhere at once gets really annoying really fast and I think that's starting to factor in to the quality of this book and not in a good way. Overall this issue was enjoyable and I hope the clever silliness and hilariousness of this book stay for a long time.

Rating: B

Stay fresh everybody!!! Whatever that means.

The WORST Comic Book Stories EVER

Ok so a few weeks ago I did a post about some of the best comic book stories I've ever read. Now I'm going to do a post about some of the WORST comic book stories I've ever read and stories that you must stay away from. Here we go...

- One More Day (By J. Michael Straczynski and Joe Quesada)

- Ultimatum (By Jeph Loeb and David Finch)

- Old Man Logan (By Mark Millar and Steve McNiven)

- Almost every New, Dark, Mighty Avengers issue written by Brian Michael Bendis (By Bendis and various)

- Battle for the Cowl (By Tony Daniel)

- Countdown to Final Crisis (By various)

- James Robinson's current JLA run (By James Robinson and Mark Bagley)

- Ultimate Fantastic Four#19-20 (By Mike Carey and Jae Lee)

- Ultimate Fantastic Four#21-32 (By Mark Millar and Greg Land)

- The Ultimates 3 (By Jeph Loeb and Joe Madureira)

- Ultimate War (By Mark Millar and Chris Bachalo)

- Batman R.I.P. (By Grant Morrison and Tony Daniel)

- Ultimate Power (By Brian Bendis, J. Michael Straczynski, Jeph Loeb, and Greg Land)

- Civil War (By Mark Millar and Steve McNiven)

- Every Amazing Spider-Man from the 90s (by various)

- Dark Reign: The List (By various)

- Tony Daniel's current Batman run (By Horse and Crap)

- Jeph Loeb's Hulk series (By Loeb and an array of excellent artists, unfortunately)

- Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch's Fantastic Four run

- Kick-Ass (By Mark Millar and John Romita, Jr.)

- Return of the Black Cat (By Joe Kelly and Mike McKone)

- Bob Gale's Amazing Spider-Man issues

- Zeb Wells' Amazing Spider-Man issues

- Fred Van Lente's Amazing Spider-Man issues

- Deadpool: Merc with a Mouth (By Victor Gischler and Bong Dazo) Only thing funny about this series is that it actually got published.

- Deadpool Team-Up (by various people who can't tell a good Deadpool story)

- Anything written and/or drawn by Rob Liefeld (your eyes will bleed)

- Absolute Power (By Aron E. Coleite and Mark Brooks)

- Captain America: Reborn (By Ed Brubaker, Bryan Hitch, and Butch Guice)

That's about all I can think of right now. Jeez. Look at this list! Look at all the pain comic books have given me! Poor Mark Millar :( All of these stories have been published in the past 15 years or so... I wonder why that is?

What is this bullcrap?: Political Jokes in Comic Books

By now most comic book fans have heard about the 'tea bag' joke in Captain America#602. While I have read that issue yet I have read numerous articles about the joke. If you have seen the joke yet here it is:

A lot of people are getting upset about this including Fox News. But here is my question: Did anyone get upset about this anti-George Bush joke in Amazing Spider-Man#595? Here it it:

The answer is no. In fact people LOVED this joke. I did not. I thought it was downright disrespectful. Now understand that the tea bag joke was not intended. Writer Ed Brubaker even said, " I don't know who did it, probably someone who thought it was funny. I didn't think think so, personally". Oh, I'm sure you had a laugh riot when you read the joke ASM#595 Mr.Brubaker.

If I was an editor at Marvel Comics I would say to leave any political jokes out of comic books, regardless if you're Republican or Democratic, because you're going to offend someone and it makes reading comic books less fun.

To read more about the tea bag joke click here.

R.E.B.E.L.S.#13 REVIEW (The Agents of Atlas of the DCU)

Wow its been a long time since I did a review, so hopefully with this review I can get back on track. Here we go:

R.E.B.E.L.S.#13

Written by: Tony Bedard

Art by: Claude St. Aubin

Inks by: Scott Hanna

Cover by: Kalman Andrasofszky

Price: $2.99

Publisher: DC Comics

This has to be one of DC's most under appreciated books ever. I found out about this book through the Blackest Night ring promotion and through a couple review on the comic culture warrior youtube channel. I had doubts about whether I would like this book or not since I knew absolutely nothing about the characters in the book, but when I did read the book Bedard did a nice job summarizing what has happened with these characters and who they are (see R.E.B.E.L.S.#1 and 10).

Bedard does a really nice job making this an incredibly fun book to read and does a great job on making these characters enjoyable, easy to relate to and easy to care for. Bedard got me quickly emotionally invested into the characters which I found similar results in Green Lantern Corps and Invincible Iron Man, which I absolutely love. I love it when stories get you into the characters and make them easy to care for and when they're not just paper cut-out characters. Another great thing about this book is it is full of exciting and fun-filled space adventures. At times it feels a lot like a Star Wars, Star Trek, and/or Battlestar Galatica type of adventure and it is amazing. The level of imagination that goes into this book is incredible and it clearly shows throughout the book. The humor that is snuck into the book is also very interesting and funny. It always comes at the least expected times which shows that Bedard has great comedic timing.

The art really goes nicely with Bedard's script. It flows and adds a level of enjoyment to the book. The spaceship, character and costume designs are all very interesting and a treat for the eyes and again gives the book a nice space adventure feel to it. In just 2-3 months this book has quickly shot up to the list of comic books that I have to read every month. If you aren't reading this you should be. If you don't like it, that's fine. If you do like it, great! This is a book that needs more attention and more people buying the book. Like I said in the title: it's the Agents of Atlas of the DCU. I would hate to have this book meet the same fate as a few of my other favorite books such as, Agents of Atlas and Captain Britain and MI13, have meet.

Rating: A