Showing posts with label Bullcrap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bullcrap. Show all posts

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Nemesis#1 REVIEW (Not intended for the Mark Millar fans)



Nemesis#1

Written by: a room full of monkeys Mark Millar

Art by: Steve McNiven

Colors by: Dave McCaig

Publisher: Icon/Marvel Comics

Price: $2.99 and a bit of your soul

Mark Millar's new book is finally here! After reading Old Man Logan and Kick-Ass Millar left me feeling insulted as a comic book fan. I decided that Nemesis would be his last chance to restore any hope I had left in him. But enough of that for now. The main concept of this book is what if Batman were like the Joker. So it's neither an original concept nor a hard to write concept and it shows throughout the book. I can sum this book up in one word: Cliche.

I would like to point out that there is a character in Uncanny X-Men named Nemesis who wears an all-white costume. Interesting, huh? The book starts out in Tokyo were Nemesis is talking to a hostage who is tied to a chair. Nemesis reveals that the he lured the (police? FBI? S.W.A.T.? We don't know... Millar never explains who they were) to the wrong building. That building blows up and lands on a train track, killing God knows how many people. Then you find out that the chair that the hostage is tied to is on a train track. Then a train runs over the hostage and we are treated to blood splattering everywhere, a leg flying off, a head being squashed, and other crap like that. Then the train mentioned earlier flys off the rails because the track got destroyed killing, again, God knows how many. Nemesis reveals his next target: Washington D.C.

Seen enough violence yet? Oh well maybe the book will tone down a bit and... what's this? Oh a guy just shot in the head with blood flying everywhere? Another guy gets shot in the stomach with a wave of blood spilling out? Two more guys get shot in the neck? One more guy gets shot in the neck/upper body? All in one page? Yeah, all of that did happen in a single page. It turns out that some form of authority (we don't know what organization it is because Millar is too lazy to tell us) shot the thugs. Then they talk to the chief of whatever organization they're from for a few pages and all that really tells us is that they should prepare for Nemesis since they got a warning from Nemesis himself.

Next we see Nemesis landing on an airplane and, somehow, walking across the wings of the plane without the wind blowing him off the plane. I realize that this is a comic book and they're not supposed to be realistic, but if you're going to write something like that please explain how he is able to remain perfectly balanced on the plane. Then he shoots the pilots (more death! Yay!) and hijacks the plane. Then Nemesis side-swipes a building with one of the plane's wings killing more people (alright! Give me some more Millar!). He then purposely crash lands the plane killing thousands and thousands of people (enjoying yourselves fanboys?)

Here is the kick in the nads for me in this book. The crash landing scene is a rip-off of the scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Indy and his Dad are in the car and that airplane is coming right after them, and then the car goes into a tunnel and the airplane goes in the tunnel with them, but loses its two wings and explodes at the end of the tunnel. Well guess what? That happens in this book. The plane goes into the tunnel and loses its two wings and lands into a truck full of petrol (and into a mother and her innocent kid) and explodes. Also the book never shows Nemesis or the President leaving the plane, so apparently they're indestructible. I love the fact that the authority of Washington knows for a fact that this mass murderer is coming to their city but it seems like they've done NOTHING to protect the citizens. Shouldn't the state be in a lock down or something??? This whole book has lazy writing written all over it. The "cliffhanger" is that Nemesis kidnaps the President of the U.S. It's not like I saw that one coming...

The art is exactly (sort of) what I expected from McNiven: boring, stale, and stiff. Although this time he inked it instead of having someone else ink it. I know I'm not the only one who has said this, but it seemed like he was trying really, really hard to be Leinil Francis Yu. At certain parts of the book it didn't even look like McNiven drew the art. The art truly was boring and just not exciting at all.

This book consisted of 23 pages of story/art, 3 of which were splash-pages, and 13 of which were 3 or 4 panel pages with little to no dialogue in it. To me that just reeks of laziness. Also at the end of the book you get 5 pages of ads featuring the recent stories Mark Millar has written for Marvel. Hey Millar: How about advertising for stuff done by someone other than yourself, huh?

After reading Nemesis#1 and Ultimate Avengers#5 (which I read a while ago) I have come to the conclusion that the Mark Millar that I used to admire as an aspiring comic book writer is gone. He's gone. If you all want to read an awesome Millar story read Superman: Red Son. That story is utterly incredible. So will I keep buying the series? Yeah, just so I can review/rant on them! :)

At least no one's baby got thrown out of a window (that we know of).

Rating: D

Monday, February 15, 2010

The WORST Comic Book Stories EVER


Ok so a few weeks ago I did a post about some of the best comic book stories I've ever read. Now I'm going to do a post about some of the WORST comic book stories I've ever read and stories that you must stay away from. Here we go...


- One More Day (By J. Michael Straczynski and Joe Quesada)


- Ultimatum (By Jeph Loeb and David Finch)


- Old Man Logan (By Mark Millar and Steve McNiven)


- Almost every New, Dark, Mighty Avengers issue written by Brian Michael Bendis (By Bendis and various)


- Battle for the Cowl (By Tony Daniel)


- Countdown to Final Crisis (By various)


- James Robinson's current JLA run (By James Robinson and Mark Bagley)


- Ultimate Fantastic Four#19-20 (By Mike Carey and Jae Lee)


- Ultimate Fantastic Four#21-32 (By Mark Millar and Greg Land)


- The Ultimates 3 (By Jeph Loeb and Joe Madureira)


- Ultimate War (By Mark Millar and Chris Bachalo)


- Batman R.I.P. (By Grant Morrison and Tony Daniel)


- Ultimate Power (By Brian Bendis, J. Michael Straczynski, Jeph Loeb, and Greg Land)


- Civil War (By Mark Millar and Steve McNiven)


- Every Amazing Spider-Man from the 90s (by various)


- Dark Reign: The List (By various)


- Tony Daniel's current Batman run (By Horse and Crap)


- Jeph Loeb's Hulk series (By Loeb and an array of excellent artists, unfortunately)


- Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch's Fantastic Four run


- Kick-Ass (By Mark Millar and John Romita, Jr.)


- Return of the Black Cat (By Joe Kelly and Mike McKone)


- Bob Gale's Amazing Spider-Man issues


- Zeb Wells' Amazing Spider-Man issues


- Fred Van Lente's Amazing Spider-Man issues


- Deadpool: Merc with a Mouth (By Victor Gischler and Bong Dazo) Only thing funny about this series is that it actually got published.


- Deadpool Team-Up (by various people who can't tell a good Deadpool story)


- Anything written and/or drawn by Rob Liefeld (your eyes will bleed)


- Absolute Power (By Aron E. Coleite and Mark Brooks)


- Captain America: Reborn (By Ed Brubaker, Bryan Hitch, and Butch Guice)


That's about all I can think of right now. Jeez. Look at this list! Look at all the pain comic books have given me! Poor Mark Millar :( All of these stories have been published in the past 15 years or so... I wonder why that is?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

My rebuttal to Tom Brevoort



As many of you are aware Marvel has announced that they will give out a Siege#3 Deadpool variant cover for every 50 covers of the DC titles that came with the lantern rings in November. In short I don't like this at all. It is a low blow and I'm amazed that DC hasn't striked back, but then again DC has more respect than Marvel. That's not what I'm ranting about now. What I'm about to talk about is how Tom Brevoort, the Executive Editor at Marvel, is responding to complaints. I am going to dissect this interview bit by bit. I will be pulling quotes and statements from the article. A link to the article can be found at the bottom of this post.

"We heard from a number of retailers who got stuck with books chasing rings and decided to do something. We're not making any money on the deal, but we are helping our retailer partners during a tough economic time. Making sure that our retailers can keep the doors open if they tied up a lot of cash on inventory they can't move. We're doing this because we're in the business of selling content rather than Cracker Jack prizes. And we need retailers to be able to keep the lights on and afford to order next month's books. [Marvel won't be accepting trade-ins for unsold Dark Reign and The List books] because there, what we were selling and what the retailers were buying were the books. But DC can if they want to!"

Ok so I have several things that I'm having a problem with in this statement:



  1. If you're a retailer and your stuck with certain books that you don't want anymore then put them in a sale bin or sell them for a buck a piece instead of following along with Marvel's dumb move.

  2. Calling the lantern rings "Cracker Jack prizes" is stupid. Want to know what a cracker jack prize is Marvel? Paper Avengers ID cards and 2010 calenders. Personally I'd rather have a lantern ring instead of a stupid variant cover that won't be worth ANYTHING in the future.

  3. Instead of being sent your competitors books why not have sent back the worthless mini-series that Marvel has shoved down people's throats? Need examples? Oh how about all those Dark Reign mini-series'? That's about 10 or 15 different books right there. Are you scared Marvel? Are you scared that DC might actually surpass you? Is that why you're demanding their books? Cause it sure seems like it.

  4. Also DC won't do a stupid move like this. They actually have respect for their competition.

Originally Marvel was going to make brown Deadpool Corps rings to give away, but then they said that it would be too expensive. Are you kidding me Marvel? You have over half the market share, you have about 15 movies in development, you have thousands of other products such as clothes and toys and you're saying that making the rings will be too expensive? DC was able to make 8 different kinds of rings! And they don't have all the money that Marvel has.


Marvel what happened to you? Every day it seems like more and more of my love and respect for Marvel is being whittled away because of dumb decisions like this. Hey Marvel, if your goal was to force me to buy less of your books and buy more DC books then congratulations... Mission Accomplished. I've decided to only buy a few books from Marvel since they clearly don't need my money or care too much for the fans:



  1. -Invincible Iron Man

  2. -Fantastic Four

  3. -Amazing Spider-Man (only when Dan Slott writes)

  4. -Agents of Atl- oh yeah... they cancelled that book... I may buy Atlas vs. Avengers... it all depends on how much money I have.

Cool! I could use the extra money. I would totally boycott Marvel completely but then I'd be punishing the awesome creators at Marvel (i.e. Matt Fraction, Jonathan Hickman, Jeff Parker, etc.) Marvel is shoo-ing me away... while DC has welcomed me with open arms.


Oh and Marvel... get your heads out of your wallets and start being more like what DC is like right now... you might learn a thing or two.

Click here for the full article!

Let me know what you think of this by leaving a comment! Thanks!